The mother at McDonalds..

You brought your child, perhaps 4 years old into the play area. Then went back into the dining area, to the very back and pulled our your computer. You sat down, with your back to the play area. And this situation continued for almost 45 minutes.

During this time, your son... bullied other kids. Stole food off other peoples tables and was not behaving. For quite a while, no one even knew he belonged to. I was tempted to call the police.

It was not my job, nor was it the job of the other parents to "watch" "control" or otherwise maintain the safety of your kid. So when I finally asked inside the dining area who the child belonged to... for you to claim he "was fine" was not only frustrating but ridiculous.

Yes, the room is enclosed. The doors are emergency, so bells will sound. But have you really considered, how long it takes to grab a child and bolt out one of those doors? I am frustrated, upset and bothered that a parent could be so unaware about their child.

10 Rules of Basic Etiquette for the non-Crafty:

10 Rules of Basic Etiquette for the non-Crafty:
-Just because I am crafting in a public place does NOT mean I am fishing for compliments, comments, advice. etc…. I am minding my own business, how about you minding yours. Plus, before you decide to help yourself to my personal private space, from my crafting supplies, equipment etc. please pass me your wallet. If your gonna snoop in my personal belongings I get to snoop in yours.

-Do not rubberneck my crafting project from two tables away or over my shoulder for 10 - 15 minutes watching me, then have the audacity to ask me “Did you do that?” You will get the “Nope. My invisible friend Matilda did it, but doesn’t like to feel like a freak so I fake it for her.” Plus do NOT crowd me, most crafts have sharp ended tools and I am not adverse to jabbing you with one so you get my point.

-When gushing “I could never do that” be honest with yourself and the crafter in question, finish the sentence with “because I do not have the patience and I am a abject moron.”

-All Family & friends, if I ever chose to create something for you it is an honor. It is NOT like going to the store and just picking something up. Creating the gift takes time, forethought, pre-planning, and time management. Keep in mind socks are NOT simple, neither is a scarf or a hat, they are basics where we learn and try new design and pattern ideas. Be very honored when we feel a practice piece is worthy of gifting to you.

-NEVER EVER gift yarn, notions, patterns expecting it to be used for you. Do not hint that I make you something. Ask me simply and straightforward. I may or may not make it for free if you buy the yarn, or may charge you for my time… either way be proud and humble to think I would even consider doing it for you since you are too lazy to learn to do it for yourself.

-If gifted with a handmade crafting item, thank the creator profusely even if you never want a hand made gift from them ever again, then state its beautiful and I’ll cherish it but handmade is really not your thing. This gets the giftee and the creator off the hook for more gifts that can be appreciated better by someone else on the creators list.

-If you are the recipient of a handcrafted item and decide within 2 years its not the thing for you, offer it back to its creator before selling it or regifting it to someone else. Its insulting to ask about a piece made for you to find out you donated it to goodwill, I got $5 at my garage sale for it, or hear from you “oh, that grey sweater. I gave it to my ex-boyfriends girlfriends best friend because it just wasn’t me.”

-If the hand crafted item is wearable then WEAR it, if it is decorative USE it. If you are so overwhelmed that you want to take care of it so it won’t get destroyed FRAME it. If you choose to do none of these things give it back to the person that made the item because you do not deserve it.

-Do not blame the creator if a thing you have bullied them into making for you does NOT turn out the way you want it. If you are so damned picky take the time to learn the craft and make it for yourself.

-We craft because it relaxes us, we enjoy it, we can take our time and be proud of what we are doing. Selling our creativity for profit will stress us out, put us under deadlines, and generally make us want scream. That is why it is a hobby and not our JOB so quit pestering us by how much money we could make yadda yadda yadda.

(borrowed from selfish knitters on ravelry)

Original thoughts.. random moment

It seems in life, there are people who regardless of how hard they try, they cannot have an original thought. They will copy and mimic people, and utilize their creativity as their own. Sometimes, it is the small things, that really seem to matter the least that will drive you completely insane. I am being vague. I know.. but there is a person, she is a acquaintance.. not a "friend" who it seems, copies a lot of other people. It could be a comment, a pattern used or something basic.
It was not till recently that I discovered, she had copied something of mine. Claimed it as her own and I don't know, in a way, knowing this has been done, taints what was special to me. I know, most people would say.. who cares. Move on. But this person is like nails on a chalkboard to me and this just adds to the frustration I feel.
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On to other things:

Been working on my Goddess Knits Anniversary Shawl (2010) for the past 3 weeks. I am so excited how it is coming along.
I am about 1/2 way through the 3rd clue and feel great about the progress I am making. 1 year ago, I started my first lace shawl and it was by the same designer I felt insecure in the pattern and using yarn that thin. Now, it has become pretty easy.
Here is after the 2nd clue:

I had hoped to have it completed faster, but hey it is lace.. a fickle and frustrating lover. lol

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School is almost out for the 2 oldest kids. I cannot believe that my oldest will be in 3rd grade and my sweet girl will be starting Kindergarten. Where does the time go? How are they growing up so fast?? I am going to miss this stage, feels like it went by way too fast!

Feels like forever...

I keep meaning to sit and blog. Then I get sidetracked into alternate universe called mommy land. So many things have happened over the last few months, I do not even know where to start.

-My sister in law lost her battle to leukemia. Although we were not as close as I wanted to be. She meant the world to me and her death hit me really strange. I kept thinking of those conversations I always wanted to have with her. The calm that I felt just sitting with and being around her. She was one of those people, you just knew she was good. People liked her. She was and will be so missed.

It got me introspective though. What would people think if I was gone? Would the love be as amazing as it was when she passed. I keep thinking about, whose life have I really impacted and what difference have I really made? (In those who are not fruit of my loins) Do I have "friends" who will miss me or will they honestly feel the loss when I am gone. It is pretty morbid, but it just really had me wondering.

I also felt myself reflecting more on my relationship with my other 2 sister in laws. What can I do to make them better? Stronger? Lasting?? I want something better with them. But at times, I have no idea where to start....

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My knitting has really taken off. I have completed 2 hats in the last week.

The first is Wotcher Tonks hat. I originally made it, just cause I liked the yarn. It is out of the Opal Harry Potter Tonks sock yarn. But I think I might send it on to another fellow HP friend. I really like the pattern that the yarn made. Thankfully the colors were not too bright and scary to look at while knitting.

Then today I finished a hat for a special friend from my son's school.

This pattern was just a basic k2p2 on the brim, then a knit all the way around. About half way, I added a row of K3, yo, K@tog.... Then finished it off. Soooft yarn and so scrummy. Was a gift from beadsnyarn (thanks)

I am going to try to get back on the blog again. Sorry was gone for a while. I think I needed some me time to re-group and find myself again.

A dream?

Ok, first. I AM addicted to So You Think You Can Dance this season. The caliber of talent is beyond belief these past few weeks. My daughter, loves to sit in the room and watch with me. Tonight, being the Finale week, was AMAZING! Thankfully for Tivo type set up, I was able to use the pause as needed. LOL. Becca, my sweet girl, was entranced by it all and insisted on showing me HER dance moves. Which in my humble opinion were fabulous too.

But, it got me thinking. As I watched the show and the little girl who has captured my heart. The Dream... We all have them, but sometimes we lose them along the way. For as long as she can walk, she has wanted to dance. Dance and DANCE! She glows when she is moving to the music. I watched the people in the Finale tonight and they talked about their dream. To Dance.

I want to give that to my daughter. I want to wrap her dream up in a pretty bow and wrapping paper and say here.. TAKE IT! Leap for the stars, it is yours to attain! Grab it with all your heart. I am so proud of her, what she wants. She knows at a young age what makes her happy. What a wonderful gift. My hope is that 5 years, 10 years from now, she still glows with excitement at learning a new move. A new step.. and new joy.

-I hope in my eagerness to give her this dream, I don't make it something that is should not be. I see so many parents push their child into something. Then it no longer is pure, beautiful, special.

That gleam and laughter in her eyes tonight. As she danced about the room. It was infectious! I could not help but laugh with her and applaud when she was done.

Becca, sweet Becca. YOU CAN DANCE! Mommy is so proud to be your biggest fan.

Driving in the car...rambling

So, I will be driving in the car. Being very introspective. Kids in the back seat, talking, yelling, you know what normal kids do. I will come up with something to blog on, then by the time I get home.. BLANK! I cannot remember (blaming mommy brain, since there is no other excuse, I guess)

Last few weeks have been pretty hectic. With the older 2 having birthday parties, field trips, and end of school chaos. LAST DAY tomorrow, for both. What will I do with them for 2.5 months, no school.

Knitting: LACE! I love it. I thought it would be so hard, but in fact, I am finding it sooo relaxing. The technique. The pace is slow and the final result... beautiful.

UGH, Zachary just woke up.. blog more later

Anxiety Attack

The last 72 hours has been so chaotic. With the finances, Tom's work and more.. I have kept a brave front. The kids need me to be strong. Tom needs me to be strong. I am so tired, but yet, I keep moving ahead.

Today, in the parking lot of Becca's pre-school, I was fine. I was laughing and feeling great. Then all of a sudden, I could not breathe. I could literally feel my heart beating in my chest. I was complete mess. I had heard about panic attacks, people talked about having them. But, I have never had one till today. I thought I was going to die. I was so scared. I sat there in the car, with my baby boy in the car... and thought I would die.

I hate feeling so out of control.

Try too hard?

Sometimes I feel like that parent who everyone looks at and thinks, Man.. she is trying too hard to fit in. :(

I am/was a member of an on-line community. For a year or so, I was obsessed (yea admitting it) with "belonging" I needed to "feel" important there. Until, I read something I was not supposed to read. and found out what some people thought of me, that I thought were my friends. I am devastated, to say the least. I never really re-covered or felt like home there again. I still go, still post.. but part of me died that day. I guess I was trying too hard. I still yearn to belong there, but feel like I am forgotten, a thing of the past now. :(

Lately, been really getting involved with stuff for kids. Dance, baseball, soccer, etc. I love being a parent to kids who are participating in things. But again, I am not sure I belong. I try to socialize, talk to other parents there. They talk to me, but I see them talking amongst themselves much more animated and intimate than they do with me. Are they just tolerating me? Am I "trying too hard to fit in?"

As a parent, staying at home with 3 kids, I long for adult interaction. I need stimulating comverstation.. something about a topic NOT involving Star wars, princesses or Elmo... I have friends, we are great together, but we only get together about once every 6 weeks. The parents at sporting things, dance, ballet.. I see them every single week. And I wonder, am I trying to hard?

When does the need for acceptance become too much? At times, it feels like high school, jr. high.. and I am still the heavy kid in the corner, socializing with everyone, but never really fitting in anywhere....

Moment to reflect

HAPPY EASTER!

As I sit here, watching the kids, in a sugar induced chaos. I am thinking about how lucky I am despite the chaos. lol We are all healthy. Happy and we are together today. Sometimes the bigs things in life, seem to distract from what is really important. Yes, the bill sometimes do not always get paid on time. Sometimes, we argue because of the stress. But regardless... we are a family. We are together and as long as we are, nothing can really harm us.

I hope you and your family have a fabulous day...

Rantings of a mother...

Baseball. America's past time. Inspired millions of children yearly... peanuts, popcorn and cracker jacks. And I seriously don't know if I ever want to go back.

Tonight, at my oldest son's baseball practice, I was informed "he was not good enough" to play on the team. In front of my son, standing right there. They are moving him down a division, before the season even starts. With just 2 practices to base this decision on, they have basically shot my son down and moved him down. This is the same kid, who spent the entire weekend, practicing, throwing the ball with his dad, uncle and g-pa... so that when he got to practice today, he would "do better" and be able to stand tall knowing he did his best.

DANGIT! He did a GREAT job tonight. He was catching the ball, throwing and getting the ball to the person he was aiming for. But, nope, at 6 years old, I already have to explain to my child why life is NOT fair. Why he is "not on the team". I know, sometimes you don't make the team. I know this. But the issue was, he was already on the team. He had the shirt, the socks, the hat and they kicked him down. I am furious. Livid. I want to yell at anyone who will listen. But instead, I had to maintain my calm, discuss this with the needed "people"- coaches, commissioners, etc. In order to make the best decision for the "team" UGH!

So, I drive home, listening to my son cry because he did his best, "why was it not good enough" " I did everything they asked me to do, and they still don't want me mommy?" "I did everything daddy told me to do, and tried so hard. My friends are on that team" I want to scream. Yell.. jump up and down and fight for him. But no one is listening...

I hope, I really hope that this move is a good thing. That maybe just maybe, it will make him a better baseball player and a better team player. But right now, right now..

I am one very mad mother bear!