Friday, November 26, 2010

Never enough time

This morning, I got out of bed and faced the hustle and chaos of being a mother. "He is touching me" "She took my toy" "Moooooom!" At times, I am at the end of my rope and just want to escape. I run the constant marathon of being a mother, a wife.. a friend. Sometimes, in the middle of all the chaos, I stop and look in the mirror and wonder: Who is this person? When did she get so tired?  Why is she looking so frazzled?

The main question is Why? Why do I do all this? I wake up and take care of everyone else, and forget to do anything for me. There is NEVER ENOUGH TIME!

Never enough time to breathe. Never enough time to be me. Never enough time to STOP. Stop? Perhaps we need to stop and remember what is important. To me, what is important IS my Family, my friends. My Husband.  Because, how would I feel if one day, I woke up and it was all gone. I am grateful EVERYDAY for the fights, the constant chaos and fatigue that comes with being a mom, a wife and a friend. 
A little over a year ago, my amazing Sister in Law Kristin lost her 2 year
battle to leukemia. She was a fighter. A mother. A wife and a wonderful friend.
Up until 3 weeks before her passing we were celebrating her remission. Then,
about 2 weeks after a family reunion/camping trip, she was gone. It was very
sudden and took us all by suprise.

About a month ago, I felt a huge nudge to do something beyond myself. I am not
the most physically active person. I have done enough to keep in shape and keep
up with my kids. I resisted for a while, but finally after several small
indications that it was the right thing to do, I signed up a few weeks ago to
run a Half marathon in Support of the Leukemia/ Lymphoma Society. Money raised
though this society goes to pay for research, learning materials for new
patients and their family. God inspired me to reach beyond myself and do
something I never thought I could do, to help others like my sister in law and
her family through their time of trials.

Please, look into your heart and if you can:

Even if you can’t give a large amount, no amount is too small I have heard people say- We would love to give, but we just can’t afford it, then head to Starbucks. Is a couple days coffee worth another lost life?

To be honest, I am scared. I spend so much time taking care of others: my kids, my husband, my family and seem to never do anything for myself.  Beyond this marathon being ran to help others like my Sister in Law, I am doing this as something for me. I believe that as mothers, we do for others and forget ourselves. I am finding since I started training, I am doing things for me. Taking care of me.. What a better calling to make time for myself as a mother while doing something amazing for others.

If you have read this far.. Thank you and God Bless

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Candy Chaos

Once a year. We dress our kids up. Send them parading around the nighborhood, hoping to score MASSIVE amounts of candy. Most years, I am ok with this. But this year, in light of my recent decision to get in shape and RUN, the need for excessive amounts of chocolate in the house is not so important. On top of it all, I am really not a huge fan of candy for the kids. Sometimes, it takes us until Easter to eat 1/2 our October Candy. So why go out?

Is it the sugar rush, we all know is pending? The whining which will occur if we go not? Perhaps, it is just fostering the joy of childhood, which involves walking up to houses, decorated in such a manner to FRIGHTEN small children for no reason but to laugh at their fear?  Then send them home to their parents to deal with their nightmare ridden state.

Halloween makes no sesnse to me. I just don't get it.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010


There are people who want to be your friend. They want to be around you. They take the time to make sure your included when something is going on. These are the people you should surround yourself with. People who will enrich your life, make you a stronger-better person.
Why do we always try to be around those who make us feel unimportant or like we don't matter? Isn't the whole point of friend: having someone whom enriches your life as much as you want to enrich theirs.

I have come to realize over the last month or so, that it is time to grow up and face reality that is life. Friends are great to have. I tell my daughter, you can never have too many friend. They enrich you, make you a better person. But are all "friends" REAL friends. This is the question I have been asking myself. I have started finding that, the people I want to be with, are not always the ones I have the most fun with. But rather that I enjoy being with them, even when all we do is sit and just be there. YES, fun can and will still be had. But, honestly, I want to know your my friend because you like me. NOT because, I am a hoot sometimes. Because, honeys- there be times, when this hoot is not fun and I need someone to be my person. That if I want to talk, they will listen. If I want to cry, they will wait and if I just need to be around someone... there is no need to do anything.

So many books about self-help out there. But really, when you really need to fix something, it is not the words on a page of a book that will always be a fix. It is the words your writing within yourself that matter. Needing to look in the mirror and like what you see. This will reflect onto the people your put around yourself. And further will reflect onto them and maybe, make them feel better about themselves too.

Do you want to just be the person people want to hang out with when the going is fun? Or do you want to be the person they just like to be around period!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

She is dying...

My beautiful dog is probably going to be gone by tomorrow night. She is on her last bit of energy. Tired. Barely holding it together. It is almost midnight and I am sitting in the backyard just holding her and loving her to try to keep her calm. I know she is just exhausted. She has fought the last 2 or 3 months to stay around.

(Con't) 6-18 @ 4:07 pm- My darling Dakata crossed the Rainbow Bridge today at 3:02 pm. She was brave to the end and hopefully knew she was loved.

She was met by our other dear ones gone before: Treat, Dallas, Baby the cat and her littermate sister Callie.


Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Great day with kids!

Today was one of those, hmm, what can we do to keep the kids from getting "bored"! The Answer?? Explorit Museum in Davis. It is a lot like the one in San Jose, but not as big and not so crowded. The kids had a serious blast. We went with Claire and her kids (Ashlynn and Alex). Also had plans to go with another friend, but her smaller one was feeling ill. So, we bopped on over and picked up Gabriel's friend Corinna.

Small drive to Davis (25 min), not a lot of traffic.

I think the biggest success was parachutes. They had this huge wind tunnel that you could put different things into, to see if the wind effected them different ways. Foam square, parachutes, etc. Next to the wind tunnel was a craft table. All of the kids made their OWN parachutes and got to test them out. Would a paper clip in the basket make it fly faster than a metal ring?? Add a paper clip.. hmmm. Was FABULOUS science experiments and the kids had so much fun!

Then onto water play, static electricity, perhaps testing how acidic certain items can be?? There was something for all ages. Gabriel got into the higher tech things. Rebecca: the microscope was soo cool. Saw a feather up close, starfish, hair, coconut fibers. NEAT!! Zachary: was all about the water table, and testing how to make a dam and flow tubes. (shhhh don't tell his dad. The Civil Engineer in him would giggle)

All in all, a great day. Finished off with a trip to McDonalds and playground.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Another Crossroad:

I have found this last month or so, my personal life is at another crossroad. With the end of school this year, we have faced the end of constant friendships, that is possible to not withstand the seperation. People that I enjoyed company and time with, are moving into a new phase of their life, and I am not sure where this leaves "us" I have started to re-group and create new relationships that hoping with remain more constant.

Things have been so chaotic in so many aspects of my life, that the need for friends who remain constant, will be there whether my days are pinks and sparkling.. or doom and gloomy grey.

But, it begs the question: When do you let go? When do you move on? Are the moments of yesterday worth the effort for the tomorrows? At what point in my life, does the need for frivolous friends become a non-need, and the need for people who I can trust when the chips are up or down... is more important? And who are the people to trust with your whole being?

I feel as if, there are so many changes lately, I don't know where to begin and where to let the constant remain. I do not want to make decisions based on feelings I am dealing with right now.

I am so tired. Tired of feeling lost. Tired of the chaos... just tired.

Monday, May 31, 2010

The mother at McDonalds..

You brought your child, perhaps 4 years old into the play area. Then went back into the dining area, to the very back and pulled our your computer. You sat down, with your back to the play area. And this situation continued for almost 45 minutes.

During this time, your son... bullied other kids. Stole food off other peoples tables and was not behaving. For quite a while, no one even knew he belonged to. I was tempted to call the police.

It was not my job, nor was it the job of the other parents to "watch" "control" or otherwise maintain the safety of your kid. So when I finally asked inside the dining area who the child belonged to... for you to claim he "was fine" was not only frustrating but ridiculous.

Yes, the room is enclosed. The doors are emergency, so bells will sound. But have you really considered, how long it takes to grab a child and bolt out one of those doors? I am frustrated, upset and bothered that a parent could be so unaware about their child.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

10 Rules of Basic Etiquette for the non-Crafty:

10 Rules of Basic Etiquette for the non-Crafty:
-Just because I am crafting in a public place does NOT mean I am fishing for compliments, comments, advice. etc…. I am minding my own business, how about you minding yours. Plus, before you decide to help yourself to my personal private space, from my crafting supplies, equipment etc. please pass me your wallet. If your gonna snoop in my personal belongings I get to snoop in yours.

-Do not rubberneck my crafting project from two tables away or over my shoulder for 10 - 15 minutes watching me, then have the audacity to ask me “Did you do that?” You will get the “Nope. My invisible friend Matilda did it, but doesn’t like to feel like a freak so I fake it for her.” Plus do NOT crowd me, most crafts have sharp ended tools and I am not adverse to jabbing you with one so you get my point.

-When gushing “I could never do that” be honest with yourself and the crafter in question, finish the sentence with “because I do not have the patience and I am a abject moron.”

-All Family & friends, if I ever chose to create something for you it is an honor. It is NOT like going to the store and just picking something up. Creating the gift takes time, forethought, pre-planning, and time management. Keep in mind socks are NOT simple, neither is a scarf or a hat, they are basics where we learn and try new design and pattern ideas. Be very honored when we feel a practice piece is worthy of gifting to you.

-NEVER EVER gift yarn, notions, patterns expecting it to be used for you. Do not hint that I make you something. Ask me simply and straightforward. I may or may not make it for free if you buy the yarn, or may charge you for my time… either way be proud and humble to think I would even consider doing it for you since you are too lazy to learn to do it for yourself.

-If gifted with a handmade crafting item, thank the creator profusely even if you never want a hand made gift from them ever again, then state its beautiful and I’ll cherish it but handmade is really not your thing. This gets the giftee and the creator off the hook for more gifts that can be appreciated better by someone else on the creators list.

-If you are the recipient of a handcrafted item and decide within 2 years its not the thing for you, offer it back to its creator before selling it or regifting it to someone else. Its insulting to ask about a piece made for you to find out you donated it to goodwill, I got $5 at my garage sale for it, or hear from you “oh, that grey sweater. I gave it to my ex-boyfriends girlfriends best friend because it just wasn’t me.”

-If the hand crafted item is wearable then WEAR it, if it is decorative USE it. If you are so overwhelmed that you want to take care of it so it won’t get destroyed FRAME it. If you choose to do none of these things give it back to the person that made the item because you do not deserve it.

-Do not blame the creator if a thing you have bullied them into making for you does NOT turn out the way you want it. If you are so damned picky take the time to learn the craft and make it for yourself.

-We craft because it relaxes us, we enjoy it, we can take our time and be proud of what we are doing. Selling our creativity for profit will stress us out, put us under deadlines, and generally make us want scream. That is why it is a hobby and not our JOB so quit pestering us by how much money we could make yadda yadda yadda.

(borrowed from selfish knitters on ravelry)

Original thoughts.. random moment

It seems in life, there are people who regardless of how hard they try, they cannot have an original thought. They will copy and mimic people, and utilize their creativity as their own. Sometimes, it is the small things, that really seem to matter the least that will drive you completely insane. I am being vague. I know.. but there is a person, she is a acquaintance.. not a "friend" who it seems, copies a lot of other people. It could be a comment, a pattern used or something basic.
It was not till recently that I discovered, she had copied something of mine. Claimed it as her own and I don't know, in a way, knowing this has been done, taints what was special to me. I know, most people would say.. who cares. Move on. But this person is like nails on a chalkboard to me and this just adds to the frustration I feel.

On to other things:

Been working on my Goddess Knits Anniversary Shawl (2010) for the past 3 weeks. I am so excited how it is coming along.
I am about 1/2 way through the 3rd clue and feel great about the progress I am making. 1 year ago, I started my first lace shawl and it was by the same designer I felt insecure in the pattern and using yarn that thin. Now, it has become pretty easy.
Here is after the 2nd clue:

I had hoped to have it completed faster, but hey it is lace.. a fickle and frustrating lover. lol


School is almost out for the 2 oldest kids. I cannot believe that my oldest will be in 3rd grade and my sweet girl will be starting Kindergarten. Where does the time go? How are they growing up so fast?? I am going to miss this stage, feels like it went by way too fast!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Feels like forever...

I keep meaning to sit and blog. Then I get sidetracked into alternate universe called mommy land. So many things have happened over the last few months, I do not even know where to start.

-My sister in law lost her battle to leukemia. Although we were not as close as I wanted to be. She meant the world to me and her death hit me really strange. I kept thinking of those conversations I always wanted to have with her. The calm that I felt just sitting with and being around her. She was one of those people, you just knew she was good. People liked her. She was and will be so missed.

It got me introspective though. What would people think if I was gone? Would the love be as amazing as it was when she passed. I keep thinking about, whose life have I really impacted and what difference have I really made? (In those who are not fruit of my loins) Do I have "friends" who will miss me or will they honestly feel the loss when I am gone. It is pretty morbid, but it just really had me wondering.

I also felt myself reflecting more on my relationship with my other 2 sister in laws. What can I do to make them better? Stronger? Lasting?? I want something better with them. But at times, I have no idea where to start....


My knitting has really taken off. I have completed 2 hats in the last week.

The first is Wotcher Tonks hat. I originally made it, just cause I liked the yarn. It is out of the Opal Harry Potter Tonks sock yarn. But I think I might send it on to another fellow HP friend. I really like the pattern that the yarn made. Thankfully the colors were not too bright and scary to look at while knitting.

Then today I finished a hat for a special friend from my son's school.
This pattern was just a basic k2p2 on the brim, then a knit all the way around. About half way, I added a row of K3, yo, K@tog.... Then finished it off. Soooft yarn and so scrummy. Was a gift from beadsnyarn (thanks)
I am going to try to get back on the blog again. Sorry was gone for a while. I think I needed some me time to re-group and find myself again.